Bullying – A Pervasive Problem

I have done almost as much damage to your children as thimeresol. I have teased, targeted and attacked them. I have cornered them in the hallways, humiliated them in the classrooms and plotted against them online. I am the school bully.

I have advocated for many children with Autism who were under attack in their own schools. Centers of learning that promised safety, fairness and equality. Most of our children do not even know that they are being bullied and a good majority of them never report the abuse.

Bullies will make fun of our kids, put them at risk and threaten them. We know that bullies harbor a lot of internal anger. We also must realize that if they are confronted they will deny all accusations and at times play the role of the victim. Our children suffer greatly. They cannot learn, they stay home and they change schools.

Parents, once again it is up to us to protect and empower our children. Bullying can include physical abuse, teasing and revealing sensitive and embarrassing information. Bullies are skilled enough to attack your child on line. They use E-mails, instant messages, blogs and chat rooms. They will send frightening messages or plot with others to exclude your child.

The school must make our kids feels welcome. They must investigate and intervene immediately. The classroom must become sensitive to our children’s sensory needs. It is time for you to become an advocate!

Try creating a bullying prevention committee in your child’s school. Tell the principal that you demand that all incidents are reported as they occur. If he does not comply go call the superintendent and then if that doesn’t work, contact the school board. I once had a meeting with a principal about some taunts that a few children had made towards my son. He seemed bored and uninterested. As I was leaving I told him, “The reporter will call you tomorrow.” “Wait, wait what reporter?” “Oh, the paper is doing an expose on your lax policies on bullying.” Needless to say, he took care of the situation immediately. By the way, I fabricated the story about the reporter but it worked!

I long to see “No Bullying” banners posted throughout the school. As parents we must educate the staff. Here is some advice for teachers and school personnel.

• Do not blame the victim or target of bullying.
• Let children know that reporting bullying is not tattling.
• Do not ask the victim “Did you say stop?”

Stick it in the IEP! No bullying, no restraints, not time outs in cramped quarters. Provide the student the ability to report incidents. Use “silent no more” communication boards. Make sure that is is documented in the IEP that bullying must be recognized and reported. Hold them accountable. If they are out of compliance, file a complaint with the state.

It is time we hold individual educators responsible. How they deal with bullying can be used in their evaluations. Parents have the office survey classmates on a regular basis to see if the staff is treating students with respect. Remember, Autism did not provoke the attack.

Bullies look for sensitive children. They prey on weakness and low self esteem. They seek out classmates who are sensitive and physically weak. Bullies look for loners and kids who submit easily. This certainly resembles many in the Autistic population. Try talking to the classmate’s parents. Ask them to solicit help from their children. Hopefully they will speak up.

We cannot ignore bullying. The problem will not go away. At any given time about 25% of our children are victims of bullying. One hundred and sixty thousand kids remain at home every day out of fear. They are afraid of the bully.

Bullying hurts and can cause life long self esteem. Our children cannot learn in an environment of threats and insults. Empower your children and educate your school. Bullying will not be tolerated.

© Bill Davis

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Related posts:

1. Moving Up To The Next Grade
2. The Guilt Factor
3. Clinical Parenting Approach To Autism
4. Good Days and Bad Days: Seven Strategies to Cope
5. Autism’s Hidden Casualties: Typical Siblings