Comments on: Autism and Learned Helplessness

By: Patricia (Caftan Woman)

Patricia (Caftan Woman) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 12:53:00 +0000

My son has a dual diagnosis of autism/developmental delay. When another meeting is called with professionals and they request my son’s presence for observation, I always point out that he doesn’t like being the subject of conversation. In other words, it is only common courtesy. How would you like being discussed in both such a detailed and cavalier manner?

Certainly my son has limits, we all have limits. What he can’t do is distressing, but what he can do is amazing.

By: Jolysebarnett

Jolysebarnett — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 12:05:00 +0000

My son, 12, is autistic (not Aspie). He is aware of his autism and that it can make things harder (I should shape that to be “different” shouldn’t I!) for him, but that everyone has weaknesses they have to overcome or adjust to. I cannot imagine talking about his autism or behaviors in front of him, it’s just a part of him like my quirks are a part of me. I don’t appreciate people harping on my issues either and certainly wouldn’t want them discussing me like I’m not there.

He’s verbal, although he gets very frustrated at times with communication and shuts down. We are trying to learn what interests him to help guide him (as we did with his older neuro-typical sibling) toward career choices in the future. Not easy, but as parents we didn’t sign on in life for “easy.”

Thanks for this thought-provoking article. It reminds me to view my child’s autism as a difference, not a disability (although to a neuro-typical like me, it can present as one). I love him dearly, and am thankful he speaks up for himself enough that I don’t “baby” him. That was the hardest part for me as he has transitioned into puberty.

By: Ross Mannell

Ross Mannell — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 00:07:00 +0000

The blog post is a very good read. There seems to be the assumption in the community where an apparent variation from the norm means a person is less capable of feeling or understanding. Many times I’ve seen and heard people adopt a patronising tone when they meet cerebral palsy sufferers, those in wheelchairs and those within the autism spectrum. The assumption on meeting someone new should be one of respect, assuming intelligence and speaking as though they are there and at least equals.

“Prevention instead of intervention” is a good catch phrase. It’s true for many child raising situations. As we watch them grow physically we have to allow them to grow emotionally and intellectually.

By: Debbie Dunehew Krencicki

Debbie Dunehew Krencicki — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 23:48:00 +0000

My son is very high-functioning and ever since his diagnosis, we have really tried to educate ourselves about what he may be experiencing. We’ve told him that he has a form of Autism, that many famous people have been able to achieve great things despite (or maybe because of) their Autism and that he is really smart and can do great things, too. In fact, the other day he asked my husband and I, “How come you guys are always talking about Autism? Why are you so obsessed with Autism?” I told him we’re just trying to learn as much as we can so we can help him have a successful life. We do talk in front of him, but always make an effort to be positive about it. I wouldn’t have him any other way than he is. He’s perfect.

By: The Domestic Goddess

The Domestic Goddess — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:52:00 +0000

Excellent. I really try to discourage folks discussing Ian in front of Ian. I tell them, “He may not speak but he understands EVERY WORD YOU SAY.” Meaning, don’t be a moron and say something awful in front of my kid, yo.

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 15:40:00 +0000

My son is 8 years old and has Aspergers. I try my best not to discuss his condition or his behaviour in front of him unless it is appropriate, but am constantly amazed at the way professionals seem happy to raise it when he is in the room (especially before he knew anything about it) – he is so very not stupid, and they know that, but still treat him as though he is when it comes to this.

I know that it seems easier to give in to your child when they don’t want (or do want) to do something that doesn’t fit in with everybody else, but in the long term it’s really not doing them any good at all, just for the sake of some peace and quiet now. I fully expect my son to leave home at a reasonable age, hopefully go to university, certainly have a satisfactory working life at the very least, and have friends and hopefully relationships in adult life. After all, his father does, and they are like clones of each other at times. If I don’t make the effort now to teach him how to deal with the world, how is that ever going to happen?

By: Robin

Robin — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 12:37:00 +0000

I catch myself at times discussing my daughter infront of her, but everytime I do, I realize the things I am saying, I would say in front of her even if she was verbal. The difference would be that she would have the ability to interject. I don’t see her as a burden in the least bit though, so I do have an advantage in that area.

I do fully agree that it is easy for parents to fall into the trap of disabling their child, with low expectations, especially when they are unsure of how much the child is actually grasping.